An American in Britain

Use of the English language differs greatly on either side of the pond.  For example, asking for the local solicitor will probably elicit a very different response in downtown Indianapolis than on Balham High Road. 

Usually, it is possible to use the context of a particular phrase to discern its meaning. And then there is British slang.  British slang is extraordinarily rich and diverse, and in many instances incomprehensible to the outsider. Recently, several phrases came to light and I’ve listed below the results of our research in to their meanings. 

All round the houses, or just round the houses (sometimes pronounced ‘raaan the haaasiz‘).  This usually refers to taking an indirect route between two known points.  An example might be, “I’m an hour late because the cabbie took me all round the houses.“  Knowing a dozen routes between any two points in the A to Z is every Londoner’s birthright, and an entire lexicon of related phrases has evolved.  For an entertaining evening, go in to a public bar and ask “What’s the best way to get from Tooting Broadway to Putney Heath” or “What’s the quickest route from Thornton Heath Clock Tower to Stepney Green” – you’ll make friends for life.

Kip or, have a kip.  This is usually used in the same way Americans use nap.  An example might be, “Just popping upstairs for a kip.“  Apparently, in the 18th century, kip-houses were places where the homeless could get a bed for the night. 

Bottle, bottle it or bottle job.  In modern times, this usually refers to nerve or courage. If ‘your bottle goes‘, you ‘lose your bottle‘ or you ‘bottle out‘, then you lose your nerve, and are a bottler, or a bottle job.  It seems to come from the Cockney rhyming slang for arse, which is bottle and glass. And so, if you are terror-stricken and involuntarily lose control of bowel movements, you’ve lost your bottle! Recent media headlines in the UK have mentioned ‘Cameron Bottles It!’ or ‘Brown the Bottler’.

Our grass has gotten so overgrown that we are unsure what might be living within. And, this morning, on our way to the car we had a little surprise.

Our eldest daughter and I left the house and started up the garden path towards the car.  After a few steps we both stopped, transfixed, staring at the 2 feet long snake that glared at us from the garden path.  Unperturbed, the snake reared up a little as our daughter approached it.  After a few seconds it casually turned and slid off in to the grass.  I ran back in to the house for the camera, but it had long gone before my return.

It had a clear, bright yellow collar on the back of its neck and this distinctive feature later allowed us to identify it as a grass snake.  These are not venomous.

Much of the English countryside is crisscrossed by a seemingly endless network of walking paths and bridleways that weave through public and private land. Our area of the Sussex Weald is particularly rich in these footpaths and offers some wonderful, typically English countryside with rolling green hills, picturesque copses, farm ponds, Norman churches, streams and brooks, and country pubs and inns. Sheep and cattle graze on the hillsides, a broad range of wildflowers grow in abundance in the nearby lanes and the ambient peace and stillness is broken only by the occasional birdsong solo.

With forced housing quotas from Brussels and a succession of recent governments being aggressively unsympathetic toward landowners and country communities, many English quite rightly lament the decline of this national treasure. However, we have found there is still a great wealth of uniquely British, unspoilt natural beauty to cherish in much of the south, and as the weather continues to improve, we’ve been able to spend a little more time out walking, often with the camera.

Above is a snap of what has become ‘our tree’, an ancient oak tree reaching the end of its time, standing leafless in the middle of the neighbouring pasture, very distinct against the surrounding deep greens and azure sky.

Hillside fields that are not used as grazing pastures are overgrown with hip length grass and offer the perfect opportunity to become Julie Andrews and the von Trapps (or, occasionally, the little one who goes ankle over head during the opening credits of Little House on the Prairie) and run free.

In our tour of coastal towns, we stopped at Littlehampton.  It’s interesting to note that the flavour of each beach town has been very different. 

Littlehampton was somewhat busy, but not as much as I would have expected.  Not that it was very touristy, but with the amusements, I thought it would be more crowded.  Perhaps, the day was not warm enough or calm enough.  It was quite windy (I could not keep my hat on) and the wind was slightly chilly.

There were many sailboats out and several people were parasurfing, kids were paddling in part shingle/part sandy beaches.  There happened to be a fair/fete of some sort on the greens as well.  (They had a tug-of-war contest between what sounded like groups from London and Crawley and one side – needless to say, the winning side! –  had an anchor who looked to weigh in at 400 lbs, or nearly 30 stones.)

The highlight of the kids’ day was the amusement park.  This was better than the ones at Brighton or any of the towns.  It had the log ride!  They loved getting that splash at the end.  Of course, it’s costly, but we bought the discount tickets in the gift shop and they each had 5 rides – they both saved two rides for the log.

We enjoyed watching the boats come in, especially one that looked like a replica pirate ship.  It was the Alice of Rochester, apparently a barge based in Chichester, which can be chartered.  We’re thinking of going out on it one day.  That looked fun! The girls’ birthdays are coming up next week, but they want to do other things for that.

As we made our way back to the car, an emergency siren rang out and we watched as the coast guard rushed out in their high-speed motorboat.  We didn’t stay to find out what was the trouble.

Though road construction is, by far, less extensive over here than it was in the US, we do have occasional road closures due to the road work.  Having been used to seeing the signs for construction in the US and understanding exactly what they mean, I find that the warning signs in the UK are very ambiguous.

Granted, some road work can be longer than the one-day jobs and signs forewarn drivers of this.  However, the ambiguity exists when there are the one-day jobs.  I refer to the signs that state: “road closed ahead”.  It might not be so ambiguous had it not been placed on a corner of a junction and the driver needs to determine to which road the sign refers.  There is no mention of the road name nor the distance.  In the US, they usually tell you how far ahead so you can plan whether or not to proceed forward.  However, if you do not know the distance, much less the road, you cannot plan ahead.  One time we saw this sign, it referred to neither the road we were on nor the turning where the sign was posted.  Instead, it referred to the street at the next junction.

To further the confusion, we sometimes find “diversion” signs out of the blue.  Driving further, we discover the road is closed, blocked off by a truck, with no sign of any work going on beyond the truck.  Other times, we have followed diversion signs that are so inadequately placed that you do not realise you have missed a turning until you go miles and miles at a stretch without seeing another “diversion” sign.  Another time, we followed our own instincts for direction and discovered that follow-up “diversion” signs were placed where we can only see them after we had already made the correct turn. The diversion took us over several miles and diverted us onto another “A” road, rather than just around the road block.

It’s extremely frustrating and it also makes me wonder if the British use the same tactics as the Americans in making diversions.  For example, we had recently moved into the town where we last lived when we encountered road work on a bridge.  We followed the “detour” signs, which took us at least 10 miles out of our way.  The work continued for about two months, at which time, we became familiar with the layout of the neighbourhoods and discovered that we could bypass this same road work by turning the opposite way and going into the town a distance of half a mile.  So far, no road has had to be closed for that length of time here.

Sunday on the farm was sheep-shearing day.  It was rather comical.  Forget what you might have seen at agricultural shows and demonstrations.  This was the actual daily grind sheep-shearing.

Not all the sheep were shorn that day, but those destined for a haircut were rounded up into a pen.  The farmer drags one by the chest, protesting with a “Baa!” while her colleagues return in kind, front legs up in the air, hind legs dragging on the ground (kind of reminds me of me pulling the older kid when she refuses to be moved).  The razors go on – ziiiiiiiiiip! ziiiiiiiiiiiiiip! ziiiiiiiiiiiip!  All done in a few seconds, before she can let out another “Baa!”.  The farmer’s son balls up the wool and throws it into the pile with the rest.  From far away, I initially thought he had lifted up the shorn sheep and tossed it over the fence (an amazing feat for such a small one) until I later saw him handle a ball of wool.

Without their wool, these ewes look like little goats.  They also appear somewhat scrawny, but maybe that’s because I’m seeing lines where the razors had left some wool behind and it looks like ribs sticking out.

We have a timeshare in Orlando that we have been trying to sell for over a year now.  Of course, the recession doesn’t help, but timeshares are notorious for not retaining their value.  More people are trying to sell them than there are buyers.  Makes you wonder, then, how some resorts manage to rope people into their resorts when private sellers can’t get rid of their property fast enough.

I’m sure other Britons have the same issues with timeshares, whether in the UK or internationally.  Timeshares are not “bad”, they’re just not for us.  We have a wonderful 2bed/2bath condo that can accommodate 8, is extremely spacious, overlooks a lake and Disney beyond.  We can see the fireworks display from our balcony.  The kids loved it.  In fact, Buppa doesn’t want to give it up.  But, we didn’t use it last year – partly because we were moving.  And partly because we’d rather not sit around a swimming pool all day, or go out to the beach.

Now, the last time we used it, we went to a wonderful dinner show and horseback riding.  But we’d rather that the resort can offer those things to us for free.  We had to drive into or out of town for these events.  Of course, at that time, the resort was starting up with plans to build a waterpark for the free use of the owners (whereas, guests had to pay an entry fee).

We’ve (the adult portion) learned that we’d rather spend our holiday camping out or doing outdoorsy stuff.  We also didn’t like the heat and humidity – very appealing to some, but not good for me.  Had we been of a different disposition, we might consider holding onto the timeshare.  Everyone in my family has a timeshare somewhere.  But it is just not part of our lifestyle, so we’d like to sell it and get some money back.

I just wish there was an easy way to sell it without getting ripped off and scammed left, right and center.  So, if anyone is interested in a timeshare, please let me know before you accept any deals directly from the resorts.  (Oh, by the way, the week is perfect for holidays whether you’re in the US or UK – August.)

Little Buppa is a crazy little girl.  Recently, she was lying next to Daddy when she told him he smelled like beef jerky.  “Ummm. Yummy,” she said. “I could eat you.”  Then, she made a pretence of eating him.

Our family ate a lot of beef jerky in the US.  My husband did not like it at first.  He thought it tasted leathery. But, he discovered that there were different brands and different flavours.  Then, it became a part of our regular diet.  It was the snack of choice for long journeys.  My favourites were any that were spicy, while the kids preferred Teriyaki.  Beef jerky was pretty expensive until we discovered the cheap alternatives at Wal-Mart and they were edible.

Yes, we miss beef jerky.  It is such a rarity here that it is expensive.  We managed to find a small kiosk at a train station that had a small pack.  That’s the extent of the availability of jerky here. 

I guess jerky is such an American thing and it has not taken hold in the UK yet.  Though BBQs certainly have.  Maybe that’s more from the Australian influence.  But, then again, I would think jerky might be something the Australians would appreciate.  Even if it wasn’t beef jerky, the Australians might have kangaroo jerky.  Americans also like deer jerky.  (My husband wouldn’t touch the stuff, but the girls and I tried some – homemade).  If the Brits ever like beef jerky, they might consider deer and even lamb jerky.  That would be a novelty.

As I’ve said before, the EU is big on “green”.  Most political parties have some “green” agenda.  One of the big issues in this regard is the excess packaging on foods.  We have noticed this excessive packaging both here and in the US.  But the US does not make such a big stink about it.  Perhaps, now, with all the “global warming” and “climate change” talks, the US might follow suit.  Retailers are being fined for excessive packaging and most have reduced their packaging significantly.  However, the government is not fully satisfied.

One way I’d like to suggest to reduce packaging is by making larger packages.  Many might think this is clearly greedy American thinking and would increase waste.  But that is not so.  For example, I remember going to Sam’s or even Wal-Mart and buying the large 10-lb. bags of frozen boneless, skinless chicken breasts.  It lasted us a while.  We weren’t constantly having to do a “big” shopping every week.  Here, the best you can do is a 2-kg bag of chicken quarters with skin and bones.  Now, I don’t mind skin and bones; I think it adds more flavour.  But, the problem is that you have less meat to work with, so you run out very quickly when you’re making dinners.  There is clearly less packaging in that one 10-lb. bag than in 2-3 2-kg. bags.  I don’t know how the Brits see this, especially because they do have smaller freezers.  But it should be an option for many of us.

Yes, I miss buying in bulk.  I’ve seen that many expatriates have discovered Costco.  But there are few of these around and without jobs, you can’t even be a member.  I miss being able to buy frozen foods for more than just one meal at a time.

I have been unable to blog as conscientiously as I was for a while.  The political scene has been quite absorbing, even though, confusing at times.  In addition, we have been trying to reduce our amount of driving, so we have been hanging around near the town where our kids go to school.  Hence, the decrease in time spent in front of the computer.

In some ways, it is good.  It means we are spending more time outdoors and getting some exercise.  Yesterday, we followed a footpath in Lindfield which led into the commons.  On our return, we took a different route in the footpath and surprisingly, found ourselves in the middle of a nature reserve – right in the middle of Haywards Heath. The woods shut out all the city noises and you could hear birds singing in the trees.  Very relaxing. 

The disappointment came when we reached the end and found ourselves facing what we would have called in the US, “the projects”.  These were obviously old council homes, many of which have been abandoned and boarded up.  We had never seen this area, though we had travelled on the roads near it.  That’s because it is well-hidden behind all the newer and nicer neighbourhoods.  It’s unbelievable to look from one side of the road to the other and see the differences.  Such a shame as well.  Council homes do not need to be allowed to run down.

The footpath showed us so much diversity that we’re hoping to explore more as the weather improves.  Even if it means squeezing between the narrow paths with brambles and stinging nettles on all sides.